Where it all began (0-11) Part one

Somewhere on this planet, I was born on a winter day in January. Most of people hear stories from their parents or family members about how they weighed too much as newborns or how their actual "birthday" was, I never have, never well I guess. All I know, it was the fifth of January. A date. and somehow I grew up to love birthdays so much that I would celebrate my birthday enthusiastically every single year, I mean my birthdays are HOLY!
My dad never missed any of my birthdays, actually he made it a wholesome celebration that never failed to impress me more every year, I remember when everyone used to gather and neighbors, distant family members and all the faces that I can't distinct now as memories are fading too fast. All I can remember for sure is that my birthday was Holy, and so I make it still.
But however my parents never told me stories about how I came to this planet.. no details what so ever! Honestly I never cared less to ask too but they NEVER mentioned any stories to anyone (or as i thought at the time).
The kids in school were talking about where their names come from and whether their dad, mom or someone else named them, so I went back home and asked my mom.. she was bewildered at first then she decided to give me "an honest answer".. she said: "It was the nurse.. the nurse suggested Ritaj". What I didn't know back then is that my name was decided along with my full name combination by some employee at the orphanage, I think it's weird to have a job where you can decide the full name of newborn babies that no one else cared about their existence that they didn't even put a stick note on them with their name on it when they decided to give them away. Looking back now I can frankly say that mom (or my step-mom as you understand, try not to be confused, I'm living this stories so it's simple if you just follow up) was deeply honest with me all the time. she never said I was adopted, but she had enough sense to "prepare" me somehow for the news one day.
I don't remember that much of my childhood before 9 .. it was "normal" if I could use this term ever to describe my life. It's just a collection of flashbacks that doesn't make sense anymore.. as all our early childhood memories I think.
I think that is the most "boring" part of my life I could say, not much happened, or not much I knew of.. I still have it inside me, the will to add more to this entry but unfortunately I can't.. All I know is that on that winter day in January my biological parents either decided to pass me over or that they passed away by some accident (which is so unlikely as I would've had any relatives to take over me) so the first option is the most valid. I could lie and say that I'm fine with this now but hell no.. I never made peace with it and I never will, I hope this blog helps me to pour it all out as a way of healing. I'm quite sure it will.
I think it's quite the time to end this chapter and let it go.. and I feel that I should finish it with a letter to whomever decided to bring me yo existence instead of aborting me (which I'm so thankful for)..

" Dear Parents,
I know now that life can drive us to make horrible decision or hurt people that we care for even if we didn't want to.. bearing a child for nine months must not been easy for you mom and I can understand your reasons for letting me go.. I don't tolerate it completely but I will try to understand.. I won't state the same for my father as I had the best step father a person could have and I know he wouldn't do the same thing that you did.. a bit cliche and dramatic but still, I'm a shady hoe *snap*. I want to thank you for all the existential crisis-es that I have but thank you again for making me so special. Oh and thank you for the genes! hell amazing genes! and I guess this is it.. I'm letting you go".